Wrestle With The Angel

The question He has not answered: God, why would you let this happen? Why would you do this to me?

The question He HAS answered: God, there must be something more than just him drawing close to You and surrendering his will to Yours. What do You want from me in all this? What are You trying to teach me? What lesson do I need to learn here?

His answer: You need to know that I AM bigger than people and their choices. You need to know My power even in the most difficult of circumstances. You need to know that I Am faithful to keep My word.

"God I'm tired. I'm hurting and I'm tired."

"Wrestle with the angel, love."

"But how? I don't understand? How do I do that?"

"Fight for your family."

"DUDE! What does that mean? Am I just slow or am I purposely not getting this?What's with all these hidden answers?"

"My answers are always direct."

"But I dont have anymore fight left in me. I'm over this. I'm done. I'm not doin this God."

"Wrestle with the angel."

...

So. We wrestled.

All day. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth we went.

'God, I can't do this. I just... I cant do this. I dont want to do this. I love you God but You've asked too much. I just ... no. Just no. I can't. .... but God, I love you. I want to serve You. I want so much to please You. I want to be able to do this. ... But this is just too much. Too much sacrifice. Too much to give up. Too much pain. I can't face this. I cant' do this. ... Everything. Everything God. I've given You everything. And now You require this too? Everything God... I want so much to honor You. My life, I want so much to live it for You... '

And so it went. Until finally all I could say was... 'I'm broken inside. I know that You're  holding the linch-pin in place and that if You pull it out, i'm gonna sink to the bottom of this pit and just lay there and die inside. Because I'm not strong enough for anymore. I don't have anymore. I am at the end of me. There is nothing left. No more fight. Nothing. God. I love you.You gotta do something because I can't do it on my own. I need You to do something in this. Because I dont wanna be in that pit. I dont want to die. I want to live, God. I am at the end of my sanity. Please don't let me fall.'

His answer: "Well done. Breakdown brings healing. No lie of satan will bear fruit in your spirit... life will overwhelm you and not death... love fails not.... you have resisted the enemy and I will give you rest ...'

So again... Yes Lord. Because at the end of the day, that's the only choice there really is. Yes is the only option. At least for me, anyway.