Saturday, February 12, 2011

Today It Begins

Luke 4:18-19
18"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, 19to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Wow. I have kept this to myself, but finally I'm free (& ready) to share. Today is the last day of my 40 days. And what a journey.

40 days of sacrifice.
40 days of waiting and not being sure just how to feel.
40 days of anticipating what comes next.
40 days with Jesus.

Luke 4 is the story of how Christ was led to the wilderness and tempted. How he fasted the 40 days and then satan tempted him 3times. And that when he had resisted that final time, satan left him.

I have been in the practice of fasting for quite a while now; we do it at church annually, and the last couple of years I've begun doing it on my own regularly as well. So, while it hasn't been routine, it has been pretty common-place in my life. Well, I got to the place in my journey where the only way to see the promises of the Lord come to pass was to seriously commit myself to fasting on a different level. So on Monday, March 17 I started a 40-day fast.

In the last 40 days, I have discovered so much about truly how powerful the Lord is to work in our lives if we just release them to Him and allow Him to reign. At one point I was discouraged, thinking I couldn't possibly stick it out until day 40. My body was craving everything I wasn't supposed to have, my family situation seemingly regressed and we were having undue dramatics. My man LOST HIS MIND right before the new family dramatics. And then let's not even go there about work. Not at all. And this was all in a two week time span. At you know, day 26. Almost done. More than 1/2 way there. And wanting to QUIT. I thought it would get easier as the days passed. How wrong was I??? Because the tempation was not only just for food. It was for my heart. My conduct. My level of obedient submission IN ADDITION TO my food sacrifice. And the farther along I went, the harder the battle for my heart got. I haven't experienced such an intense attack spiritually in a REALLY long time. And all in the course of 3 days literally all hell broke loose. And I was left with a decision to make: press forward or give in and throw away all that work.

I chose to press. And in the process of that choosing, I started seeing the Lord's word to me start to come to pass. Things that He revealed to me long ago are taking place now and I'm looking and saying 'wow'. And in my own life, for my own self, there are things I've been asking for and longing for. And fasting was the only way for those things to be released. And over the course of 39 1/2 days (because today is only 1/2way over *grins*) I've started seeing pieces fall into place in a way I just could not have imagined.

Day 15 , the Lord told me: 'Your fast has been ordained by Me. Do not doubt your ability to complete it.'

Today is day 40. And because of His grace, I have stood victorious. I woke this morning to the Father's praise and congratulations because I obeyed Him in this thing. And Wednesday as I spent some focused time with Him, Me gave to me the promise at the start of this post:

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Truly, this has been an amazing time. I am overwhelmed at how this has worked. It seems like 40 days just started. And in some ways, I don't want it to end. I can't even articulate how I feel right now, except for a sense of jubilation. A sense of accomplishment. A sense of completion. I feel like doors that have been locked shut for a really long time are opening up right now, even as I type this post. I believe that God has waited patiently on me to get to this place in my life to be responsible enough and surrenedered enough to receive all that He has been wanting to give to me. I believe that just like with the Messiah, the fruits of this will be immediately evident in my life. I believe that this has unlocked doors for other people, too, to receive what God has in their own lives. It is a blessing and a privilege to be able to share that this journey is complete, as of midnight tonight.

The closer the hour gets, the more my spirit soars. I would never have known God this way without this last 40 days. The powe of the Holy Spirit is great and my God is greatly to be praised.

A deep worship rests upon me right now. A deep abiding knowledge of how powerful God is and how much He loves me. A deep-seated need to praie Him and to honor His patient endurance in His pursuit of my heart. A deep spiritual clarity that His grace is sufficient and His mercies are new every morning. A true sense that today is the day it all begins. Everything. All of it.

And I praise the God that I serve, whom I now confidently call my own because He is THE God who does all things well.

Peace and Blessings. And may all grace abound to each of you who read this and who are touched by the words of our Lord.


I worship You. Thank you for Your Love. Habakkuk 1:5. I will stand and watch and be amazed at all You do. I love You.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Friday, February 11, 2011

My Military Men

So, this morning we found out that one of my uncles is going to be sent to Iraq late this fall.

And just before he came home on leave a few weeks ago, we found out that my OTHER uncle is being sent back to Kuwait for 13 months.

These two uncles are brothers - the only 2 brothers out of 4 siblings. My oldest uncle is in the reserves and has been to Kuwait once already in the last few years. My youngest uncle (who is actually younger than me) just went into the military a year ago. He has finished basic and all the job training and stuff and was just sent to Georgia. In fact, he has only been there for 5 days.

The oldest uncle will come to Texas in July and will be here for a month or so before he is deployed. The youngest will go to New York in July and will be there for 30 days. He will then return to Georgia (and maybe come home if he can - but I doubt it, since he JUST took two weeks leave) to get his affairs in order, before he is deployed in October or November.

My oldest uncle was in the service forever and he has pretty much always been away from home, so it isn't unusual for him to not be here - even now, because when he and his family moved back to the contiguous states from Hawaii, they moved to SC to be near his wife's mom. Nobody's thrilled about his deployment, but it isn't really all that different than the norm we've always had w/him.

Now, CJ on the other hand (not his name, but obviously for his privacy) has never been away from home - as in, no more than a few steps from my grandparents, and no more than a few minutes from the rest of us. The military is still new to us for him. He wanted it, he worked hard to accomplish it, and he really enjoys it. It has been very good for him. And we are all extremely proud of him.


I dont want him in Iraq. None of us do really. I love both my uncles, but my youngest uncle and I grew up more as cousins than as Uncle/niece. When my mom told me about his deployment this morning, I felt some kinda way about that. A little sick. A little sad. A little... somethin... some kinda way.

Not thrilled about my Uncle-Uncle goin, but my Uncle-cousin... well, it's just different.

Really really different.

However, even with all that I feel, I am extremely proud of them both, especially CJ. The military was a big step for him and a pivotal point in his life. He's done well and I know he's gonna go far. Extremely far. And my Uncle-Uncle. What can I say? He's just phenomenal. An absolutely wonderful human.

They both love our country and our family. What more can we ask?!

I guess I'm gonna be a praying girl, until both our men are safe and sound, and home with us where they belong.

Thank you Uncle Jr. and CJ. We love you and we are so proud of you both. Hopefully we'll get to hug both your necks before you leave. And if we don't, you know we're with you in sprit (how cliche' but u know it's the truth) =)

Hugs & Kisses.
We love ya'll!

(and um, can both u jokas get Facebook so we can communicate?! Thanks!)


Protect our fellas. Please bring them home safe and sound, no worse for the wear, and changed profoundly - for Your Glory and their good. Show us how to pray and help us to trust You in this. Put a protective loving arm around my grandparents - especially my grandmother. Allow them to rest in You and to know that You will take care of Your sons. Build thier relationships with you and use them each for Your Glory. May they grow where they are planted.

In Jesus' Name, I ask these things.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

You're Ready - and I'll Prove It

"God I know it's time for what You've promised. But now that it's here, I'm not so sure I'm ready."

"You're ready. More ready than you know. There will be one collaborative set of circumstances that will prove just how ready you are to walk into this new season."

And once again. God told me the absolute truth.

This ball that's rolling? I dont even know where to start. Me and H are aiight. But on the family front, things have just gone HAYWIRE.

I dont even know where to start with all this, but .... I gotta figure it out, so I dont lose my mind.

Have mercy.

If ya think on it, would you just ask Jesus to give my family peace? We're gonna need it.

Later, ya'll

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


God calls me Beautiful.

And that is a revelation that has long been lost on me.

Because He doesn't mean just physically beautiful, or just that a piece of my inner self is beautiful. He finds me COMPLETELY beautiful. Fully made in His image. Fully breathtaking. Fully striking.

He looks at me and He sees me in full color, shape, and dimension. And He finds every part, every emotion, every sensitivity, every cry of my heart, every detail of me... beautiful. Because, afterall, I am HIS creation.

Not that I'm perfect. And not that He is pleased with my sin or my failure. But that the heart of me is something He finds worthy of full embrace and acceptance and love. He finds me beautiful.

I know this all seems strange. I thought me and God had worked this out already, but apparently I stoppped before HE finished - and being Himself, He waited until I would invite Him in, to take me deeper into this thing of unveiling my beauty...

He set me up. Set me up to see that I cannot possibly get from others what I am unable to also give to them.

You see, I am not a fan of closeness - but not necessarily because someone has done something to me. It is really because I have always feared being fully known; I have always feared that if people were to know me well - to know my truth, my idiocyncrasies, my goofy tendencies, my high-strungness, and all the other pieces of the intimate puzzle that is me - that they would not like me. I feared that if I let them in, they would eventually find the one thing about me that would make me not good enough for them.

But I would never really have said all this out loud. And I have never really been put in a position to have it tested in an extreme way. I have close friends, intimate relationships and such. And I've learned to be ok with intimacy in that context.

HOWEVER. Then comes a relationship that is far more intimate than even the closest of frienships I've permitted myself to establish. There is this pesky thing of being known. Of NEEDING to be known. Deeply and fully and freely.

And God in His Sovereignty, met me right where I was. And took me deeper than I thought I could handle.

Now, I get it. I understand it better.

I am beautiful. Worthy of knowing and being known. Created in His image and purposed to do amazing things in my sphere of influence.

How very freeing this is.

And what a Mighty God I serve.

Love ya'll.


Sunday, February 6, 2011

Thankful Thursday - The Lord

This week.

I'm thankful that the Lord gives friends w/whom we can walk this thing out. I'm thankful for being able to share the journey and the opportunity to grab others to join me along the way. I am extremely thankful for the way the Lord just seems to work things out. That there is hope, and peace and joy if we just put in the effort to FIND it.

I'm thankful for the privilege of Daugter-hood.

Check out Iris' place for more!



The question is not IF we will worship, but WHAT or WHO we will worship.

We were created to worship. It is just a matter of whether or not we choose to worship God or something/one else...

food for thought...


Wednesday, February 2, 2011

1 Corinthians 13:7-10

Ok. Here we go again....

7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.

9For we know in part and we prophesy in part;

10but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.

Once more... our definition of  love: unrestircted loyalty and unwavering commitment to what best serves another.

Vs 7:
Love bears all things - accept or allow oneself to be subjected to, especially without giving way

believes all things - believe... (1) to have a firm conviction as to the goodness, efficacy (the power to produce an effect), or ability of something (2) to accept as true, genuine or real (3) to consider to be true or honest; to accept the word or evidence of

hopes all things - hope... (1) to cherish (hold dear) a desire with anticipation (2) to desire with expecation of obtainment (3) to expect with confidence

endures all things - endure... (1) to undergo as hardship, especially without giving in (2) to continue in the same state (3) to regard with acceptance or tolerance (4) to remain firm, under suffering or misfortune without yielding

Unrestricted loyalty and unwavering commitment to what best serves another accepts and allows itself to be subjected to ALL things without giving way; holds tightly to the conviction of the goodness, inherent power and ability of its object, and accepts all things as true, genuine, and real; it holds dear its desires,with confident expectation of obtainment in all things related to the object of its desire; Unrestricted loyalty and unwavering commitment to what best serves another undergoes all hardship without giving in, continuing in the same state and regarding all with acceptance and tolerance, while remaining firm- even under suffering and misfortune, and without yielding.

vs. 8
love never fails - fail... (1) to lose strength; to fade away or die (2) to fall short; to be or become absent or inadequate (3) to be unsuccessful (4) to disappoint the expectations or trust of  (5) to be deficient in (6) to leave undone.

Unrestricted loyalty and unwavering commitment to what best serves another never loses strength or fades away; it never falls short or becomes inadequate; it is never unsuccessful. The expectations and trusts of unrestricted loyalty and unwavering commitment to what best serves another are never disappointed; it is never deficient and never leaves things undone.

Now. this is not all of verse 8, but it IS all of what love is/does/or does not do. And of the whole passage, I find this particular section the most comforting of all - because what I take from it is that in all that love is asked to give and to sacrifice and to commit itself to, God says to us that the end result is absolute victory. He says that love is enough all by itself to ensure that hope if fulfilled and that trust ultimately in the good and inherent power of it's object is rewarded - because love always succeeds.

So, let's go on to the rest of the verse.

We're back to referencing the spiritual gifts of prophecy,speaking in tongues, and knowledge.Scripture says that IF these things are present, they will eventually go away. They will fade. Two things to notice here. The first thing is that there is no guarantee that these gifts will even be present; and the second thing is that even IF they are present, they are not lasting. They will eventually fade. It doesnt matter what God shows us or how we can commune with angels and men. Nor does it matter how much insight or wisdom we're given, because of all that God has spoken of so far in this, the ONLY lasting thing in all this is Love. Which then puts the first three verses into perspective for me. Because if we are all caught up in things that don't last, how will we ever properly view or invest in the one thing that IS lasting? Because the Love spoken of here is a gift just like all the rest. If we dont take the right perspective on the value of each gift, then we miss the mark. Think about that. God has more knowledge insight wisdom and anything else than we can ever begin to fathom, but what He gives is Love beyond even what He's asking us to give here. He knows EVERYTHING, all our motives and failures and sins - all that stuff that nobody else will ever know about us. He knows it all. And even in that knowledge the love He has for us doesn't fade. He never stops believing in who He has destined us to be and He never gives up on His purpose in our lives. He has been so committed to us that He gave us Christ.

And HE... well, we're endebted to him for all eternity. Because he was as human as we are and he lived this out to the fullest. EVERYDAY with EVERYBODY he met. What that means to me is that, since we are all called to walk in his likeness, we are capable of the same, just as he was - through his Father in heaven. Because Christ did not walk in his own power; all power he possessed was derived through his intimate relationship with God.

On to verse 9:
It says we know in part and we prophecy in part.

How much plainer can God be with me than this? What I get is , you dont know it all. There will ALWAYS be things you dont know or understand or see. Which means that I shouldn't behave as though I do, nor should I hold too tightly to the gifts of intimacy that God has chosen to allow me to experience for this short time.

and verse 10:
When perfection comes, the partial will be done away.

Ultimately, none of the gifts matter. Not in the face of perfection - not in the presence of God. Because HE does see it all  and know it all. And more than that, He's in control of it all.

Every last bit.

Reading and studying this passage of scripture bring to mind faith and meekness and humility and all those things. And it leads me to a better understanding of why Christ says the greatest commmandment is to love they neighbor as thyself. Because to love is to reflect Christ.

And that's the whole point of this whole journey, isn't it?

... alright God. Yes. Yes God. Just... yes...