Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
None of my old posts will go over. We're starting fresh!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
I am finding myself in a position more and more to teach other women about walking with the Lord. I've worked with youth for a long time, but I'm finding now that I'm being used more and more in the world of grown-ups.
For so long I asked the Lord 'why me?'. I asked why MY journey has had to be so freaking hard (and seemingly never-ending) when all these people around me seem to have so much of an easier time of things. (And please notice I said 'SEEM' to have.) What I have come to learn is that the difficulties and challenges of my path have been to allow me to understand from an experiential perspective, so that I could be effective in my witness...
Come to find out, in my daily interactions, there is almost always an opportunity to share something with someone from a mentoring perspective. And as cool as that is, that is really not the coolest part.
The coolest part is that in the teaching, the Lord is refining me more. Like I've aked of Him. I have so worried that I would forget all the lessons and that I would regress in my conduct after all the madness had died down, so I have been praying that I would not forget Him and that I would not fall into rebellion or disobedience. I have also asked that if I will not honor Him with what He gives, that He not give it... In this whole mentoring & teaching thing, I'm finding that I am being constantly and consistently challenged to step my game up. My words, my attitude, my thoughts, patience, pride (rollin' my eyes REAL REAL EXTRA HARD), all those things that nobody would know about but me. Those are the things that are being worked on right now.
And I'm so grateful. Because those are the things that I like least about my own character. They are the areas I want to see refined the most. Because I want to be genuine and I want to never forget the hard places in my own life. Iwant to be teachable, even as I teach.
The Lord is just so amazing that He does things the way He does. I have built in accountability these days and as much as I resist it sometimes, I really am thankful for it.
Go see Iris, guys. There is just so much good stuff over there!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Jenn and I were just getting close. We had been spending MAJOR time together since the middle of 2005, planning her wedding. We had become prayer partners. We had become truly friends. We were praying for eachother then. Almost every morning. We'd call eachother up and we'd pray over our lives on the way in to work. And I had been asking the Lord to make work better or move me from where I was. He told me to wait. To trust Him. And on the last work day in the month of March, He gave me my answer. I left my job and my life hasn't been the same since. In that early stretch I wasn't sure how it would work. It was tough, but that first year or so I suffered what I now know were small inconveniences. But it was ok. That second year it got TOUGH and even more personal than the first. And now, going into the third year, things are beginning to come full circle.
I am so different now. Much stronger. More mature. More confident. More secure in who I am. Willing to take hard knocks so that I can truly live for the Lord. I am new.
Every relationship in my life has been affected. Some have stood and some have fallen apart. Some are still in tact and some were discarded. But all have been sifted and refined.
God is so faithful.Even when I'm not. When I doubt and struggle, He does not change. And I love Him in a way I never knew I could.
So, happy anniversary to me. And to my Love. Because 2 years ago on April 1st I stopped seeing You the way religion dictated and started getting to know You in the way that makes You truly LIVE, for me. Two years ago on that day, we became intimate and the new life that is now ready to be born is a result of the love we now share.
I praise You oh God because You chose me. You have impregnated me with visions of greatness and a heart that longs for You. As the first of these many children is born, I look to You with love-filled eyes - and even in the midst of the pain of this last set of contractions - I can tell You that You are simply a wonder. I adore You. I worship You. I cherish You. You are my Love. The greatest Love of my heart. And I can't wait to build more history with You in the days, weeks, months, years ahead.
I love You, Lord. I give to You my life.
In Jesus' Name, because he gave his life so that I could love You this way. Amen.