"You are an anomaly"
I had heard the word, but didn't know the meaning. I got back to my desk and decided to look it up and this is what I found:
anomaly: deviation from the common rule; irregularity; something different, abnormal, peculiar, or not easily classified.
GREAT word. (Or maybe that's just my geekiness showin' again.)
Anyway. I digress.
I'm not really sure what to make of it. I know that it was meant to be a statement of the reality of my life - actually a very accurate, comprehensive definition, truth be told. But I'm not sure if I'm really all that happy about it.
My life has taken twists and turns that I never imagined it would. Everything from the man God has given to me to the job He's called me to, to the calling on my life. All these things are things that I would never have chosen for myself. And this road in full? It is certainly not one that I had plans of walking. Not at all. Because it has so far been totally unorthodox.
And I won't lie. Because I'm as human as anybody else, that scares me to to death. Because it leaves me so misunderstood and feeling so ostracized in my choices and perspectives... really lonely sometimes, actually.
All this is surfacing because of this early morning time with God. He's pulling things out and layin them bare for me in a way that I didn't expect. (These things are the things I pushed away so that I could finish the race without losing my sanity.) So, the other morning in the middle of worship, I hear 'You have not been unwise. Unortodox, but not unwise.'
That's it. That's all He says. Absolutely it.
But then I think about it... This is what scripture calls us to: to be peculiar people. God doesn't wnt us to fit the mold. He wants us to look different.
And maybe that should be a comfort... but it's not. Because, does that mean we should be peculiar even to fellow believers? I mean, what about the fact that most Believers I know question whether or not this is God at work in my life? What about the fact that if i were to ever give a detailed account of my faith walk, I would in many many circles be told that God doesn't work like this? And should any of this really even be a consideration anyway?!
What about my children? As they watch me (and their daddy) live this faith thing, what are we setting them up for? Are they gonna feel as wierd as I do right now? Are they gonna look up to heaven and just be like 'God. Are you for real right now?!' Is He gonna ask them to walk this same very unusual path? And is it even fair to pass on such a legacy to them?!
All these thoughts run through my mind on a pretty regular basis. But. At the end of the day, when it's all said and done, I've gotta tell you. I'd rather pass to my children a legacy of living, active, life-changing faith than one of passive rituals that require nothing of them but that they follow the crowd.
And I dont want the latter for myself either. Not at all. I'll take being peculiar over following the status-quo anyday.
So. I guess maybe being an anomaly isn't such a bad thing after all.