I am one of those people who prays boldly. And I ask for difficult things, not really knowing what I'm asking until well after I've asked.
One day, quite a while ago, after quitting my job , I prayed something like 'Lord, if you want me to be a modern day Job, so be it. I'll do it because I love you enough to endure it.' All I was really TRYING to say was that I would endure the hardship I saw very clearly headed my way. I was certainly not really begging God to allow Satan a hand at everything BUT my life.
As it turns out, God took me literally. And with the exception of my health (well... in any severe way), He allowed access to my whole life, except... well... the living part.
I'm not exaggerating. It may not have been taken in as dramatic a way (freak accidents like houses caving in on ALL his kids and such), but literally everything I had worked so hard for I lost. And I do mean everything - except what I took when I moved back home, which amounted to a very few pieces of clothes, a couple pair of shoes, and a basket of stuffed animals.
Some would have called this my wilderness, but it hasn't been. My wilderness had happened years prior, and had really come to an end just before this current ride got wild. I left the wilderness and found my way to God's heart. And THEN He proceeded to take me on the ride of my life. It has been amazing.
When I prayed that day, in honesty, I had an idea what I was doing - what I was asking Him to allow. But I could no more have stopped myself asking than I could stop breathing...
I am a 'show me' kinda girl. I need to see. I need to experience. I want to know first hand. I'd heard so long how Scripture can live and how God is the Living Word and all that. I wanted to find out for myself. So I asked. And I continued to ask, even when the asking didn't always seem to be advantageous. And He showed me...
To say this has been a hard season is an understatement. And to say that I would do it all over again would be a bold-faced lie. Because if I had it to do again, I would ask God to PLEASE find a less painful way of coming to know Him.
Now. That being said... I wouldn't trade this season for anything. I have never experienced such a rich awareness of His presence in my life and I have never enjoyed such a deep intimacy at any other time.
In this season I have come to know God for myself. I have come to know that He speaks, if we care to listen. I have to come to understand that His ways aren't mine; nor are His time or His thoughts. In fact His ways, time and thoughts are higher than mine. Just like He said.
I have come to know that wisdom to God is truly foolishness before man. I've lived that scripture again and again.
I've come to learn to be content with little, just like I was content with much.
I've begun to accept that God isn't always to be understood, but He IS always to be obeyed.
And more than any of that, I've come to know how very deeply He loves me. I've come to see myself in a new light, because He loves me like I've never grieved His heart. And on top of all that, He's been taking me down the marvelous path of learning to love others.
Wow.
He's made me some promises. Made them pretty early in this journey. And at first I wanted Him to keep them because I obeyed. Then I wanted Him to keep them because I was tired. Then I wanted Him to keep them because He made them. Then I wanted Him to keep them RIGHT NOW. Because really. This has been a long road.
And then. Maybe a week or two or so ago, things start happening. I started seeing prayers being answered little by little. More and more each week. Then this weekend He said to me that this week would be full of blessings. I thought, yeah ok. If that's anything like it's been in the past, what You are calling a blessing will probably not feel that way.
But lo and behold, this week has been full of blessings. Started Saturday and has continued from there.
It would seem that the restoring process is starting slowly but surely...
I used to wonder why when God was speaking to people in Scripture He'd say 'the God of your fathers' and stuff like that instead of calling Himself 'your God' when He was in direct communication... WhatI have concluded is that God knows that until we go thru something that truly allows us to know Him for ourselves, He is not really our God.
I can say now that He is my God.
I can say how very loving and kind and just and faithful He is.
Even in waiting on some things to come to pass, I can say now that He IS faithful.
And now, I can also say that I want Him to keep His promises for no reason other than that others need to see Him be glorified in extravagant ways. I want to see these things come to pass because people need to know how very real He is.
How very real He's always been.
Job and His God had something special, and God was glorified in Job's testing.
And I hope that my God can say the same about what we have. I hope that He has been glorified in this season. And I KNOW that He'll be glorified in His promise keeping.
... I guess maybe it's not so bad bein' a 'show me' girl after all.
It's been well worth the pain to experience the mountaintop.
Love ya'll & I'll be back.
Ro
One day, quite a while ago, after quitting my job , I prayed something like 'Lord, if you want me to be a modern day Job, so be it. I'll do it because I love you enough to endure it.' All I was really TRYING to say was that I would endure the hardship I saw very clearly headed my way. I was certainly not really begging God to allow Satan a hand at everything BUT my life.
As it turns out, God took me literally. And with the exception of my health (well... in any severe way), He allowed access to my whole life, except... well... the living part.
I'm not exaggerating. It may not have been taken in as dramatic a way (freak accidents like houses caving in on ALL his kids and such), but literally everything I had worked so hard for I lost. And I do mean everything - except what I took when I moved back home, which amounted to a very few pieces of clothes, a couple pair of shoes, and a basket of stuffed animals.
Some would have called this my wilderness, but it hasn't been. My wilderness had happened years prior, and had really come to an end just before this current ride got wild. I left the wilderness and found my way to God's heart. And THEN He proceeded to take me on the ride of my life. It has been amazing.
When I prayed that day, in honesty, I had an idea what I was doing - what I was asking Him to allow. But I could no more have stopped myself asking than I could stop breathing...
I am a 'show me' kinda girl. I need to see. I need to experience. I want to know first hand. I'd heard so long how Scripture can live and how God is the Living Word and all that. I wanted to find out for myself. So I asked. And I continued to ask, even when the asking didn't always seem to be advantageous. And He showed me...
To say this has been a hard season is an understatement. And to say that I would do it all over again would be a bold-faced lie. Because if I had it to do again, I would ask God to PLEASE find a less painful way of coming to know Him.
Now. That being said... I wouldn't trade this season for anything. I have never experienced such a rich awareness of His presence in my life and I have never enjoyed such a deep intimacy at any other time.
In this season I have come to know God for myself. I have come to know that He speaks, if we care to listen. I have to come to understand that His ways aren't mine; nor are His time or His thoughts. In fact His ways, time and thoughts are higher than mine. Just like He said.
I have come to know that wisdom to God is truly foolishness before man. I've lived that scripture again and again.
I've come to learn to be content with little, just like I was content with much.
I've begun to accept that God isn't always to be understood, but He IS always to be obeyed.
And more than any of that, I've come to know how very deeply He loves me. I've come to see myself in a new light, because He loves me like I've never grieved His heart. And on top of all that, He's been taking me down the marvelous path of learning to love others.
Wow.
He's made me some promises. Made them pretty early in this journey. And at first I wanted Him to keep them because I obeyed. Then I wanted Him to keep them because I was tired. Then I wanted Him to keep them because He made them. Then I wanted Him to keep them RIGHT NOW. Because really. This has been a long road.
And then. Maybe a week or two or so ago, things start happening. I started seeing prayers being answered little by little. More and more each week. Then this weekend He said to me that this week would be full of blessings. I thought, yeah ok. If that's anything like it's been in the past, what You are calling a blessing will probably not feel that way.
But lo and behold, this week has been full of blessings. Started Saturday and has continued from there.
It would seem that the restoring process is starting slowly but surely...
I used to wonder why when God was speaking to people in Scripture He'd say 'the God of your fathers' and stuff like that instead of calling Himself 'your God' when He was in direct communication... WhatI have concluded is that God knows that until we go thru something that truly allows us to know Him for ourselves, He is not really our God.
I can say now that He is my God.
I can say how very loving and kind and just and faithful He is.
Even in waiting on some things to come to pass, I can say now that He IS faithful.
And now, I can also say that I want Him to keep His promises for no reason other than that others need to see Him be glorified in extravagant ways. I want to see these things come to pass because people need to know how very real He is.
How very real He's always been.
Job and His God had something special, and God was glorified in Job's testing.
And I hope that my God can say the same about what we have. I hope that He has been glorified in this season. And I KNOW that He'll be glorified in His promise keeping.
... I guess maybe it's not so bad bein' a 'show me' girl after all.
It's been well worth the pain to experience the mountaintop.
Love ya'll & I'll be back.
Ro
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