This phrase has been on my mind for a while now... still pondering it. Wonder what it means. Anyone have any ideas? Care to share? I thought this might be a nice discussion topic for us.
ro
ro
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Ten Things Tuesday... Even Though Its REALLY Wednesday
Jill. I'm slow. What can i tell ya? My bad.
Now. On to the list.
It is 8:23 am and I need to think of ten things that already make today great...
hmmm...
Rosheeda, you've got ten things. I just know u do.
Ok. Ok. I'll see what I can do. Here goes!
- I woke up this morning blanketed in peace. Warm and comfy. Rested and ready to move.
- I have discovered that I have a level of self-control that is foreign to me in recent weeks.
- God's grace to allow that new self-control was brought to mind as I walked up the steps to my office this morning.
- My heart is full of worship. Because God is who He says He is.
- I have a nephew that may as well be my son, that I love dearly and who loves me the same.
- I am able to talk to my mom a little more freely than I have in a long time.
- This bloggy carnival - because it makes me appreciate the small things
- Great friendships -ones that have seen me through many rough seasons and that, even though they have taken a different dynamic recently, are still as special to me as they were from the very first.
- Today is Wednesday. This week is 1/2 done.
- I am happy. Gleeful, Even. Clay has had major personal victory this week and I am SO proud of him it's ridiculous!
This is a great bloggy carnival. Jill! Thanks for hosting. :0)
Don't know who Jill is? Click on the fantastic button in this post, or click the link right here... it says Jill Brownstone. And that should answer all your questions!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Crazy Faith
It seems that everything I've heard over the last few days is about faith. Crazy faith at that. And I've needed the reminder.
Faith is so unreasonable. Makes no good sense at all. It's a stab in the (natural) dark. Literally all u got is a hope and a prayer - well, outside the obvious belief in God.
I wonder how Noah felt when he set about building the ark? Hmmm... I bet his thoughts had to be along the lines of: "Man this is crazy. I'm building a ... BOAT! Noone's ever even heard of such a thing. Getting measurements from heaven, spending all this time and so far we've never even seen RAIN. (or maybe they had seen rain, but certainly not enough to warrant a boat). What am I s'posed to do with this thing once it's built, just look at it from a distance and admire my handiwork? For real, God?! A BOAT?! I look a complete nut creating this thing from some heavenly words and what-not. My people think I've lost my mind. And honestly sometimes I think I have too. But oh well. You said build the thing. You're God so I guess you would know what You're doin. ...Eh! Lemme finish with this freakin' thing. The last thing I need is an angry Heavenly Being all up in my grill."
LOL I know. Im silly. But for real. The idea of this boat had to have been just as absurd to Noah as the idea of this being a real conversation with God.
That it, it was silly and absurd until rain started falling and just didn't stop. I bet then all them jokas were glad Noah had spent all that time w/all those heavenly measurements and what-not.
Which is just so totally convicting. Because (1) If Noah had to build a boat, why ever would I think I dont have to stay at a crazy job? Or be in a surprising relational situation? I'm not above that same crazy direction from God. Not at all.
And (2), if this whole thing was to save a remnant and start over, Noah building this thing was not at all about him. It was about the REST of humanity. And if Noah wasn't above lookin a crazy mess in order to save the human race, surely I'm not above the inconvenience of being obedient so other people stand a fighting chance to accept whatever God wants them to get from this...
For real. I bet those same cats who called Noah silly and ignant for building that thing felt some kinda way when he and his family got in the boat along w/some of the animals and they had to WATCH as Noah and his peeps drifted on away. Not to mention the family. Cuz we all know that THEY are the ones who will work a nerve. I bet his kids were all 'My bad daddy! We didn't know. We sorry. Don't be mad, k?' *insert puppy dog eyes here*
I mean really. Just imagine that scene. Noah had to be like 'oh. Noooow you wanna believe somebody. Been talkin' lip all this time and NOW cuz u dont wanna DROWN you wanna be my best friend. Get outta here! ... ... *sigh* 'Fine! C'mon. Get your people and get in so we can go! We dont have all day now!', as he steps aside to grant them passage...
Crazy faith. It is so not about us. And we are so not above looking crazy for a greater cause and the best interest of others. Certainly not when Noah's obedience is the reason I'm even sitting here typing this post... Think about that. Had he not built a boat to save a remnant, what's the likelihood humanity would still be on earth?!
Mind-bogglin.
Lemme take this big-girl pill and finish building this frikkin' boat. :D
ro
Faith is so unreasonable. Makes no good sense at all. It's a stab in the (natural) dark. Literally all u got is a hope and a prayer - well, outside the obvious belief in God.
I wonder how Noah felt when he set about building the ark? Hmmm... I bet his thoughts had to be along the lines of: "Man this is crazy. I'm building a ... BOAT! Noone's ever even heard of such a thing. Getting measurements from heaven, spending all this time and so far we've never even seen RAIN. (or maybe they had seen rain, but certainly not enough to warrant a boat). What am I s'posed to do with this thing once it's built, just look at it from a distance and admire my handiwork? For real, God?! A BOAT?! I look a complete nut creating this thing from some heavenly words and what-not. My people think I've lost my mind. And honestly sometimes I think I have too. But oh well. You said build the thing. You're God so I guess you would know what You're doin. ...Eh! Lemme finish with this freakin' thing. The last thing I need is an angry Heavenly Being all up in my grill."
LOL I know. Im silly. But for real. The idea of this boat had to have been just as absurd to Noah as the idea of this being a real conversation with God.
That it, it was silly and absurd until rain started falling and just didn't stop. I bet then all them jokas were glad Noah had spent all that time w/all those heavenly measurements and what-not.
Which is just so totally convicting. Because (1) If Noah had to build a boat, why ever would I think I dont have to stay at a crazy job? Or be in a surprising relational situation? I'm not above that same crazy direction from God. Not at all.
And (2), if this whole thing was to save a remnant and start over, Noah building this thing was not at all about him. It was about the REST of humanity. And if Noah wasn't above lookin a crazy mess in order to save the human race, surely I'm not above the inconvenience of being obedient so other people stand a fighting chance to accept whatever God wants them to get from this...
For real. I bet those same cats who called Noah silly and ignant for building that thing felt some kinda way when he and his family got in the boat along w/some of the animals and they had to WATCH as Noah and his peeps drifted on away. Not to mention the family. Cuz we all know that THEY are the ones who will work a nerve. I bet his kids were all 'My bad daddy! We didn't know. We sorry. Don't be mad, k?' *insert puppy dog eyes here*
I mean really. Just imagine that scene. Noah had to be like 'oh. Noooow you wanna believe somebody. Been talkin' lip all this time and NOW cuz u dont wanna DROWN you wanna be my best friend. Get outta here! ... ... *sigh* 'Fine! C'mon. Get your people and get in so we can go! We dont have all day now!', as he steps aside to grant them passage...
Crazy faith. It is so not about us. And we are so not above looking crazy for a greater cause and the best interest of others. Certainly not when Noah's obedience is the reason I'm even sitting here typing this post... Think about that. Had he not built a boat to save a remnant, what's the likelihood humanity would still be on earth?!
Mind-bogglin.
Lemme take this big-girl pill and finish building this frikkin' boat. :D
ro
Friday, March 4, 2011
Granny
I miss my Granny.
I would give anything in the world right now to be next to her. I'd give anything to hear her voice and to have the privilege just one more time of drinking in her wisdom.
She'd tell me what to do. And I wouldn't have to say a word. She'd just tell me what to do. Because that's how it always was.
And I could ask all the questions in my heart.
I just want my granny.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
An Attitude Adjustment
Ok. So.
It's time to get over myself and stop singin' this same song.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not quite over all this yet, but really. I'm workin on that.God's workin on that.
But I need to just keep it real with myself. I know God too well to be surprised by such a circumstance. I also know Him to well to keep on asking why me. Cuz really.The only answer to that is why NOT me. I'm thinking too highly of myself and I need to allow God to reign that in.
And I've also been in love with my man long enough to understand how he works. More than anything, more than anybody, HE NEEDS THIS. If we have any hope of a life that truly honors God, on both sides of this fence and that opens the door for real freedom for us with eachother and our children, he needs this. And I need to embrace this process with him.
There are a lot of things that can be said by a lot of people about us both. But the fact of the matter is that none of those people are so important that we can afford to sacrifice rather than to obey. Not at all.
In a wierd way, it's just as hard letting go of the hurt as it is to allow myself to feel the hurt. Because letting go leaves me vulnerable and wide open to something I dont know and that I cant really understand on an intellectual level. And since my fall back has always been my intellect and the ability to analyze and make sense of it, that's significantly uncomfortable for me.
But the reality is that I truly do understand in my spirit why this needs to be. God has given me the gift of knowledge in this season like nothing else I've ever known. And even if He hadn't chosen to give me that giftt, what right exactly do I have to question the how's and the why's of His work? He's God and I'm not. I don't get a vote. And I need to recognize my place as a servant in His kingdom.
He has given me everything I need to endure and to come out of this victorious, life in tact, and living the promise He gave for us.
It's time to let go.
God had a word for me just a few days before all this started. My uncle gave it to me. He gave me a few keys and a few insights and it would serve me well to hold them close to my heart. And to walk in the wisdom of the revelation God was so gracious to allow him to give.
1) There is a war goin on. This is not about people. Not me and not even him. Nor is it really even about all the other players currently on this field. It is about generations to come. The legacy God wants to establish in us for our children our grandchildren their children and so forth. I need to not be so selfish to think that this is all about the moment right now.
2) I have authority to stand against this. We have authority in heaven on earth and under the earth. And I need to walk in it. I need to act like I know how to live in the power of that authority. I dont have to turn any part of this over to the enemy. Not at all. I need to act like I know who I am.
3) Don't do what's natural do what's right. I kept telling my uncle, it just doesn't feel right. He said to me, it's not that it doesn't feel right. It DOES feel right, because your spirit is in the lead. God is leading you. It just doesn't feel natural. Because it goes against what your flesh wants. 'Don't do what's natural. Do what's right.' I know what's right. I've known from the start. God told me plainly several years ago my response to all that comes w/him until He specifically tells me differently: STAY. No matter what I feel, what matters is what God calls right.
4) God is in control. He's Sovereign. Don't take life so seriously. And God himself spoke to me yesterday that this situation is not nearly as bad as what I feel it to be. It's really not. I need to accept the truth of His soverignty and just keep it moving. Cuz as serious as this all is, this is NOT something that ten years from will hold any power in our reality. Not at all.
It's time for me to walk as a (wo)man in love and not act like a child who's feelings are hurt because it's just NOT fair. At the end of the day, at the end of the road, that doesn't matter. What matters is that God is glorified and that lives are preserved as a result of this journey to His grace.
So I'm workin on it. I'm workin on getting over me.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Normalcy
It's been so long since I've had anything that resembles a 'normal' life (my normal, anyway) that I think I've forgotten what it's like.
I don't remember what it's like to get bills that YOU are responsible for.
I don't remember what it's like to really come and go as I please, with no worries about somebody having something to say.
I haven't had the pleasure of indulging in a bath - not a shower, but a for real actual BATH - in almost a year. And that is a shame.
Cooking? We won't even go there. Tried for a while. Didn't work. Haven't really cooked in months.
And MY GOODNESS - ALONE TIME. It has been SO long since I've had a REAL dose of by myself-ness. And I THRIVE on that. I'm no good without it.
Played my own music: NOPE
Driven my own car: NOPE
And the most important of all this: Relationally, I just cannot tell you the headache of it all. It has been so long since we've had a normal pattern to what we do and when. And even where.
And finally. I think there is some light at the end of this tunnel. The tide is changing. HALLELUJAH!!!!!
I woke up this morning and the first feeling I had was anticipation. The first thought was, 'it will be so nice to have some normalcy in our relationship again'.
This place is one in which I haven't allowed myself to indulge because I knew that if what I was expecting didn't come to pass, I'd be devastated. And I wasn't really feeling all the emotional drama that comes with devastation.
But now, that hope is manifesting and I'm feeling ok with planning and preparing. And all I can think of is: Wow. Not too far from now, I will be able to laze around my own place on a Saturday again and watch tv with Clay all day if we want. Or get up on Sunday and go to church then come home and cook dinner for us. Or hell, even just enjoy him coming over after you know SUNSET and not feeling like 'OMG. They gon' think I'm trickin' because of the time.
People, I cannot WAIT! I have so seriously missed that intimacy with Clay. And althought neither of us has outright said it, it has taken a serious toll on our relationship me living at home. Neither of us knew if we'd make it under those conditions and both of us knew that if we DID make it, we'd be headed toward a future together.
We made it. And now we can look at what building a life together looks like. (Which is good, because otherwise I'd remain single and have lots of dogs - because I don't do cats. And I am NOT interested in investing all that time in learning somebody new all over again. I know Clay and I'll live with him happily forever - especially if it avoids having to go thru all that new relationship bs all over again.)
That thought this morning is a milestone. Because in a few weeks (maybe less) it will come to fruition and I cannot WAIT to be all excited and ON MY OWN again.
Say a prayer for a sista, ok? That I can readjust easily to my re-entry into the Land of the Grown People. And that the things that need to fall into place financially on my part and some others, do, so that there is no delaying my run for the border,k?
THANKS.
Blessings guys.
Ro
PS- Darius, I don't do puppy kisses on the mouth. They can lick the face or the hand. But not the mouth. I don't like human slobber, much less slobber of the animal variety. =0)
I don't remember what it's like to get bills that YOU are responsible for.
I don't remember what it's like to really come and go as I please, with no worries about somebody having something to say.
I haven't had the pleasure of indulging in a bath - not a shower, but a for real actual BATH - in almost a year. And that is a shame.
Cooking? We won't even go there. Tried for a while. Didn't work. Haven't really cooked in months.
And MY GOODNESS - ALONE TIME. It has been SO long since I've had a REAL dose of by myself-ness. And I THRIVE on that. I'm no good without it.
Played my own music: NOPE
Driven my own car: NOPE
And the most important of all this: Relationally, I just cannot tell you the headache of it all. It has been so long since we've had a normal pattern to what we do and when. And even where.
And finally. I think there is some light at the end of this tunnel. The tide is changing. HALLELUJAH!!!!!
I woke up this morning and the first feeling I had was anticipation. The first thought was, 'it will be so nice to have some normalcy in our relationship again'.
This place is one in which I haven't allowed myself to indulge because I knew that if what I was expecting didn't come to pass, I'd be devastated. And I wasn't really feeling all the emotional drama that comes with devastation.
But now, that hope is manifesting and I'm feeling ok with planning and preparing. And all I can think of is: Wow. Not too far from now, I will be able to laze around my own place on a Saturday again and watch tv with Clay all day if we want. Or get up on Sunday and go to church then come home and cook dinner for us. Or hell, even just enjoy him coming over after you know SUNSET and not feeling like 'OMG. They gon' think I'm trickin' because of the time.
People, I cannot WAIT! I have so seriously missed that intimacy with Clay. And althought neither of us has outright said it, it has taken a serious toll on our relationship me living at home. Neither of us knew if we'd make it under those conditions and both of us knew that if we DID make it, we'd be headed toward a future together.
We made it. And now we can look at what building a life together looks like. (Which is good, because otherwise I'd remain single and have lots of dogs - because I don't do cats. And I am NOT interested in investing all that time in learning somebody new all over again. I know Clay and I'll live with him happily forever - especially if it avoids having to go thru all that new relationship bs all over again.)
That thought this morning is a milestone. Because in a few weeks (maybe less) it will come to fruition and I cannot WAIT to be all excited and ON MY OWN again.
Say a prayer for a sista, ok? That I can readjust easily to my re-entry into the Land of the Grown People. And that the things that need to fall into place financially on my part and some others, do, so that there is no delaying my run for the border,k?
THANKS.
Blessings guys.
Ro
PS- Darius, I don't do puppy kisses on the mouth. They can lick the face or the hand. But not the mouth. I don't like human slobber, much less slobber of the animal variety. =0)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)