Sweet... Really Really Sweet

Yesterday.... well... I dont even know if I have all the words. Church was as powerful as I hoped it would be - more so actually. I NEEDED a worship experience. And that's exactly what God gave, times 2. He spoke to me during that time in a way I haven't experienced in months. His Spirit led me to words and passages of scripture that I had been given before and took me beyond them to reveal a new place in our situation in light of the fuller understanding. He addressed prayers in those passages that nobody has ever known I've prayed. And He gave me confidence in where things stand now and what my responsibility is toward things.

Finally. I know that I'm free to just go with the flow and relax. I have felt this feeling only one other time before. And it was after a lengthy battle in a friendship. I woke up one morning and I just knew by the atmosphere and in my spirit that I had been given victory and that all I had to do from that day was walk out the revelation... I just needed to live and all the rest would come. No more crazy praying and that place of intense battle. God had answered and all that was left was the spiritual making its way to the natural.

Between Saturday rehearsal and Sunday worship (and not to mention the sermon - because THAT was taken from a story in scripture that a friend had shared with me that God had revealed to her a few days ago for H... can i just say WOW?!)... anyway, between those two events, the feeling above is EXACTLY how i feel now.

It took a minute to sink in, though... Me and H had made plans to spend the afternoon together and well... I wasn't so keen on it - not because I didnt want to see him, but because part of me (ok, lemme tell the truth, NONE OF ME) sees the wisdom in making myself so available to him, seeing as how in my mind that is me telling him it's ok to straddle the fence and do this back and forth thing... Natural feeling, right? Well, I verbalized it to God and for the first time in a while, what He spoke to me wasn't something that soothed me. It was something that held me accountable to the fact that I'm not God so I can't possibly know best..

"I haven't asked you to understand My way. It doesn't matter that it doesn't make sense to you. What matters is that I've said it's best. All you need to know at this point is that My way is always right. Your only responsibility here is to obey."

That pretty much did it for me. It meant, know your place little girl... and that is exactly what I figured I needed to do.

So I did.

And we had a great time.

And the things that God had shared with me about how that time would be spent very plainly came to pass.

It was... sweet... really really sweet...

We're being given something very new and it isn't lost on me that we BOTH are resting in and on that newness between us... It's this really amazing blend of the season of relationship when  you have gotten past like, and even deep affection, to the place where you know you truly are experiencing love for one another combined with the security and the comfort, in many ways, of a relationship that has been seasoned and where first love has turned into something abiding and strong and spirit-deep between you...

Nothing short of amazing. Seriously.

I left him yesterday saying , Lord I want to want to again. Please make me want to again.

It would seem that restoration is starting - in both his heart and mine.

That makes me happy inside.

Truly truly happy inside.