Finally

I dont need 'pen to paper' to process this whole situation...

After having a conversation with my person, it sparked a conversation with my Jesus. After which I began to give in a little more to this 'yes' action.

Then today I had a conversation with another of the four that is my innermost circle, where we both concluded that I need to get over myself and get over being angry at God and H so that life can move forward, however that's supposed to look.

So. I'm throwing myself a 'BYE BYE ANGRY GIRL' party.

A little at a time. However long it takes. I'm going to face these feelings with myself. I'm going to give them to God and face them with Him. Then I'm going to give myself permission to let them go and trust God like I know I should.

I have 12 balloons. Lord knows I hope it will only take the twelve that I have. Each feeling gets its own balloon and date. I write it on the balloon and send it off to nevernever land.

I'm starting tonight. And I know it's late. But since me and H are apparently seeing eachother tonight, I need to start now...

*sigh*

BALLOON ONE: 'BYE BYE ANGRY GIRL' 4-16-10

I have a right to feel however I feel in this. But I do not have the right to allow my feelings to become self-righteous unjust anger. I've been headed that direction and that isn't acceptable. No person or circumstance gets to dictate my behavior or response to it/them. So. I have been angry and it has been justified. Now it's time to let go of the anger so that God can continue the healing process that He has already begun in me.

I have honored my feelings. I have honored my heart. It is safe to release this angry chick that has taken up residence in my body. She can leave and the real me can emerge. Because the real me is strong enough to stand up and face her life, such that it is, head-on and with God's guidance and comfort. I've worked hard not to be this person. And I dont have to accept her. So I wont.

BYE BYE ANGRY GIRL. You are no longer welcome to take up residence in my spirit.

Lord, do with this as You will. I will trust You and I will allow You to work this out.

Amen.