Ties That Bind

I posted a long time ago about a friend from college.

When I ended that post, I prayed for him and asked that God's will would be done.

It took me some time, but I was able to push him to the edges of my consciousness.

And for a while it worked. Then his name began to creep up again. I've been seein' his face. And I googled him. Didn't find anything. Let it go.Moved on.

Here we are a couple months later and I figure, lemme just try one more time. I wanna know how he is. That he's ok. I dont want to call and risk hearing his voice because I know me, but I need to know that he's ok.

So I do. And I find out a little more information than I did the first time. And there is also some new information that wasn't there before.

And as I sit here and type, it makes sense to me now. One thing led to another and he found himself in a situation where he wasn't able to choose anymore. And based on the new information, he is most likely again drowning in the same bottomless pit.

So help me, I want to help him. I thought, let me just see if I can get in touch with his mom. Mother will tell me what's goin on. She will tell me what I can do, how I can help. I have her number now. And then I think maybe I shouldn't call. I'll just wirte a letter. Because I also have the address. I'll just drop a quick note and ask how things are and give her a way to reach me if she chooses. Leave it up to her. Yeah. That'll work. That's the answer.

The Holy Spirit stopped me right in the middle of that thought process. And the answer was not a 'no', but it was a 'count the cost'. Which in parent-speak means, I will leave this to you, but if you are wise you will reconsider this.

I have sat for the last twenty minutes talking this thing out with the Lord and the Lord gave me two things to make it clear to me:

* I don't stop loving. I never have. A relationship ending or a friendship being severed does not release me from the love that I carry. It never has. I do not let go. I forgive. I get over it. I move on. But I don't let go.

* We are connected spiritually. We always have been. And that bond is still there, allbeit not like it was.

These two things, more than anything else, are the two reasons I must not reach. Not yet. In the Father's words, I must not use that number until He says otherwise. IF he says otherwise. I need to remain in the shadows and simply intercede for my friend. Neither of us can afford for me to be naive or idealistic on this one. The ripple effect would be far too great in both our lives.

So I must not interfere...And I won't.

But my heart truly does hurt for him and his family. Who would think that eight years later, this is where we'd be? Our lives have taken such different paths. He's made his choices and I've made mine and the two no longer intersect.

I am truly even at a loss for words really; I want to make this make sense. I want to understand because I KNOW him and if I can put my finger on what happened I can help him fix it.

But really I don't. I don't know him anymore. Who he is now is not who I knew eight years ago. And I can't take the risk based on what I remember, or what it USED TO BE.

Dear Lord, this is HARD.

Lord,
You know me. You know my heart. You know what I WANT to do, and what I probably WOULD do if things were just a little bit different. But the stakes are too high. Please draw him close to You. Please woo him back to You. Please flood his life with Your light. Remind him of the greatness You have placed in him. Open his heart; clear the cloud and the muddled mess in his mind and give him hope. Give it to his mom and his family. Give them hearts to continue to intercede. Give those who are not saved such a burden for his life that they come seeking help to know what to do - then be their help. Woo them to Your arms. Do not let this be in vain. Lord do not let his life be wasted. Do not let this price be all for nothing. He has lost YEARS Lord. His heart feels defeated, but He is a son of the Most High and defeat is not part of his heritage. Remind him of his truth. And allow him to reclaim that which was left behind. Remove his safety nets. Remove his cushions. Allow nothing that will keep him from confronting himself - and YOU- to buffer his fall. LET HIM FALL. WHATEVER IT TAKES OH LORD to bring him home. TRANSFORM HIM Father that he might know truly the life-changing power of his salvation. Sanctify him. Prove Satan a liar in his life. Make him right. Make him whole. Clean him up for Yourself. Remind him: there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.

And KEEP ME AWAY FROM HIM. Continually prompt me to pray, but Father protect me. I know how deep my heart runs and I know all the reasons this man is special to me, but he is not mine to fix or to chane. He is not mine to save. You are God all alone and you do not need me to interfere in this. So that desire to call and check on his mom - which is really checking on him - remove it, in the name of Jesus.

I bind up every evil spirit and every agent of darkness in his life. I cast down every lofty ambition against him and I ask Oh God that you would take him back.

In Christ's precious and holy name, I pray. I thank you and I praise you.

Amen.