Mountain Climbing

So... exactly what does one do with this? What does one do when she all but feels the Lord step back, as if to say: 'This is all on you. You choose. I'll wait.'

And then He decides to speak.

"You walk in wisdom, not foolishness. You will be proved in full in the decision to remain."

And then this ... because I responded with... 'ok God' to that ^. (I refuse to reject His voice and what He speaks to me... But uh... I'm not a fan right now.)

"Even after all you've experienced of Me,do you doubt My power? Do you not believe that I am bigger than this circumstance? Would you tear down all that you've toiled to receive at the moment things being to fall into place? Do you not believe that I Am who I say I Am? Would you relinquish your life now, at the risk of spiritual death for yourself and your husband, as well as your children? There have been many times when you have needed to extend grace, and each time I have enabled you to do so. Each time, I have healed your hurt in the moment that you surrendered to My instruction. Do you not think I am capable of that now?  What makes this time any different than those? Your heart will be mended through H's love. He battles no more with his decision. It has already been made. But now you must choose. Will you let him love you? Your decision will affect the boldness of his spirit to walk in his decision. DO YOU NOT BELIEVE THAT I AM WHO I SAY I AM? Will you choose now not to honor Me? Even after all that has come before? Will you, in this moment, turn your back on Me? He has chosen; now you must choose. Choose wisely."

Really, God? REALLY?

Alright.

Alright fine.

Choose wisely... Alright... wisely... ok... well... fine God....

Put him first... ok God... We've been here before... So ok God. I DO love You more... Ok God. I can't risk spiritual death for them or me. So... ok God. You really pushin' it on this one. Really stretching me. I'm not a fan Lord.... But ok. Ok. ... ok. ... Lord, he cant hurt me this way again. Not ever again. Seriously. For real. Not ever again... But... OK God. Ok...

Knowing that what He's waiting on is 'Yes Lord. I will obey.' and almost chokin' on the words. Much like I did with the words 'I forgive them Lord.' Very much like that moment... Almost identical in fact...

Feeling clearly that God was not gonna play with me on this one. That draggin my feet was gon' probably gain me a real firm correction...

So lest I find myself completely mad and with hurt feelings.... we ended up just where He wanted me. Which was: 'Yes Lord. I will obey. Yes. I will let H love me. Yes. I will allow him to make this right. Yes. I will not walk away. Yes God. ... Yes God ... Yes .... Yes ... Yes.... Yes, Lord. *sigh* Just YES.

Every yes has felt like a step UP this mountain. And no doubt, it's gonna feel like that until I'm fully beyond my dislike of this whole scene... But... Yes is yes is yes. And rather than risk God's firm hand for being hard-headed, hard-hearted, and just plain mean, I'll just go ahead and scale this mountain.

So. In all that. YES GOD. I'll do what You ask.

Stacy, is this what you meant?

OY VEY. Can't God just wave His big magic wand and make all this instantly better? Or um... would that be a misguided view of who God is and how He works?... Yeah? It would be? ... Thought it might.. but I just had to ask...  : D

Alright... mountain climbing it is... 

Lord,

Yes. To all that You're asking. In all seriousness. Yes. I will be obedient. I'll let him off the hook. And I'll act like I know who You are.

In Jesus' Name. Amen.