The Way You Love Me

Remember that song I said I'd share lyrics to when I was ready? Here they are:

This heart breaks…Slowly…
Tell me, what are u doing to me?
When I prayed ‘Do what it takes’
I didn’t know I’d lose everything
Everything that meant anything to me is gone
Somethin’ right has to come from this wrong
It is the hurt that breaks me
It is the pain that pulls me to my knees
And the, tears they changed me til what I couldn’t see becomes so clear to me…
This is the way, the way that you love me

My way
Destroying me
I couldn’t see I was my worst enemy
So you took away til my soul ached
And I knew that it was no mistake that everything that meant anything to me was gone
Somethin’ right has to come from this wrong
It is the hurt that breaks me
It is the pain that pulls me to my knees
And the tears they’ve changed me til what I couldn’t see becomes so clear to me

And this is the waaaaaay

You love me so much that you let, you let me fall knowing that I would lose it all and hear your call
You love me so much that you chased me…
When I ran away you captured me by letting me run to the end of myself
To the end of myself

And this is the way you love me

The way you love me

It is the hurt that breaks me
It is the pain that pulls me to my knees
It is the tears they’ve changed me
Til what I couldn’t see becomes so clear to me

And this is the way
The way that you love me

This is the way You love me

These words resonate deep inside me. They sound sad and like someone with a broken heart, but only if you've never been there with Him before.

HOWEVER, if you've been here before, you understand that even though there is hurt and pain and tears, there is also an amazing knowledge of God's power, sovereignty, and love that comes from this place.

This is the place in the journey where, when it's all said and done, you find your rest. Because in all that you've had to endure God's purpose has become (or is becoming) clear. The loss, the fear, the hurt, all the stuff that has befallen you confronts you and you look at Him and say 'I see it now. It's clear. Who You are. How You love me. It's clear.' All that becomes real.

And as I alluded to last week, I am here. There is one more thing before the door on my past is closed. One more fear to face, one more trial to endure, one more peace to make. And as He prepares me, I realize that this truly is the way that He loves me. What He's requiring of me brings with it a pain that I am afraid to experience. I doubt that I can stand under it. But He knows that I can. HE already knows what's needs to be. Because as a result of a pain so deep that it rocks my core, I will also simultaneously experience a love so deep that it heals all the hurts and washes all the dry places.

I will be made fresh and new in this next few months and I will be ready to walk in full obedience to the call on my life.

Because He loves me enough to take me to a place where He has to be my source and my strength, I will know His love in a new way, on a new level... Just like every other trial I've endured has taken me deeper, so will this one.

That in the midst of storms He speaks and calms raging seas is amazing. And I have watch it become reality in my own life, I find truly that it is an act of love that He takes us there and then demonstrates His own amazingness for all to see.

Over the next *however long* stretch of time, I will probably talk (or type) this out - because I need to. I need to wrap my mind and heart around all that's comin' and I need to let His love settle on my heart and spirit. I'm gonna share what I can (and it probably won't be much), but know that the encouragement you always give is invaluable and will be even moreso now than ever...

And Jenn, I know you're there. Always have been, always will be. And I love you for it. This soldier-girl action is no small endeavor and your tenacity will be well rewarded. Just obey Him. Trust what seems crazy; walk in what hurts to the core of your being. And then as you do all that, watch Him work it all out in a way that protects the life He's promised you, even as He systematically strips you of the life He never meant you to lead. His perfect time, His mysterious ways, they all work together for our good and He does all things well. Ride or die, chica. He told me to take you with me, so grab those timbs and that water-bottle and let's get to it... I love you with the heart and passion of Christ. I love you.