God has done an amazing work in the last few weeks.
The things I'm seeing... I cant even begin to articulate how desperately I've longed for them. He is so faithful...
I know that my last several posts have been pretty personal and not a little emotion-filled; I needed that. The emotional dam that I manage to reconstruct time after time really needed to break ... so i blogged... because I want to remember.
I dont wan to dwell on the painful places, but I do want to remember how God has revealed Himelf to me in those places.
Especially now. Because this pain has certainly had a very clear purposed: in this pain we are finding release and healing. And some gentle (or not so much) correction.
Much as I hate to admit it, we needed this. Really we did.
God has given us some challenges. My main ones being to appreciate and to blossom, instead of hiding behind my nature to be more comfortable 'working' than being.
His are much harder, I think, in some respects. He's being challenged to accept newness in himself. To do something so totally not in his box. God's asking him to give up his comfort and control. To let go of self-sufficiency.
And praise Him, he's accepting ... and it's breaking him spiritually in ways that are foreign to him. And that just does something to me...
I cant say it makes me sad, because it doesn't. I've asked God to do this. I've asked God to pursue him relentlessly until he surrenders in full. I've asked God to work a new faith in him,to open his heart and his eyes to the wonder of total obedience and intimate relationship. So to see God doing that is a tremendous joy to me.
But still. I understand that it hurts. I KNOW how badly it hurts. I know how uncomfortable and convicting and frustrating it is to be broken as only God can break you. And that makes me cry out to God for him.
I hear it. I sense it. I feel it. All the emotion that comes w/this and all the tiredness and weariness and just sheer need to say 'FINE. I GIVE UP. Do what YOU want because obviously YOU won't back off until I say yes.'
That's scary ya'll. Very scary.
And, as is God's way, He's using one of the few things that matter to him to break him. The very thing he loves is the very thing that so clearly convicts his heart. What is breaking him, is also simultaneously building him.
It's beautiful, if not a bit heart-wrenching to watch. I see so much and I want so much for him to see himself as God sees him. So many things have taken up residence and lied to him about himself. And that makes me sad. But I can't help delighting in the fact that God is working in him to break down all the lies and deceptions and to plant seeds of truth that will blossom for the rest of his life.
Today, tonight, right now, I have a very real appreciation for what this is costing him. And a new respect for the sacrifice he's making on behalf of us both.
Old things HAVE passed away and all things are being made new.
God is seriously a God who does all things well.. Every detail is covered and every possibility is considered. All of it is carefully, lovingly, patiently orchestrated to ensure that what God does cannot be undone - no matter what may come,as long as we are willing to be obedient.
Obedience is blossoming in my man's spirit. And that's a beautiful thing.
Signs & wonders dear God. Miraculous things. I know where we've come from. And I know where we are now. I have no idea where we're going, but if this is just the beginning I know I don't wanna miss not one more moment of this ride. Protect my man's heart and build up his spirit. Teach him that obedience is better than sacrifice. Allow him to crave You like he craves air. Teach him Your ways oh God. You are a great God and greatly to be praised. I appreciate You. I am grateful that You love us enough to wait for us. Be his like You are mine. Let him live the faith and not just profess it. Thank you Father for all that You're doing. I love You more than anything.
In Jesus' Name, amen.
bye ya'll.
ro
The things I'm seeing... I cant even begin to articulate how desperately I've longed for them. He is so faithful...
I know that my last several posts have been pretty personal and not a little emotion-filled; I needed that. The emotional dam that I manage to reconstruct time after time really needed to break ... so i blogged... because I want to remember.
I dont wan to dwell on the painful places, but I do want to remember how God has revealed Himelf to me in those places.
Especially now. Because this pain has certainly had a very clear purposed: in this pain we are finding release and healing. And some gentle (or not so much) correction.
Much as I hate to admit it, we needed this. Really we did.
God has given us some challenges. My main ones being to appreciate and to blossom, instead of hiding behind my nature to be more comfortable 'working' than being.
His are much harder, I think, in some respects. He's being challenged to accept newness in himself. To do something so totally not in his box. God's asking him to give up his comfort and control. To let go of self-sufficiency.
And praise Him, he's accepting ... and it's breaking him spiritually in ways that are foreign to him. And that just does something to me...
I cant say it makes me sad, because it doesn't. I've asked God to do this. I've asked God to pursue him relentlessly until he surrenders in full. I've asked God to work a new faith in him,to open his heart and his eyes to the wonder of total obedience and intimate relationship. So to see God doing that is a tremendous joy to me.
But still. I understand that it hurts. I KNOW how badly it hurts. I know how uncomfortable and convicting and frustrating it is to be broken as only God can break you. And that makes me cry out to God for him.
I hear it. I sense it. I feel it. All the emotion that comes w/this and all the tiredness and weariness and just sheer need to say 'FINE. I GIVE UP. Do what YOU want because obviously YOU won't back off until I say yes.'
That's scary ya'll. Very scary.
And, as is God's way, He's using one of the few things that matter to him to break him. The very thing he loves is the very thing that so clearly convicts his heart. What is breaking him, is also simultaneously building him.
It's beautiful, if not a bit heart-wrenching to watch. I see so much and I want so much for him to see himself as God sees him. So many things have taken up residence and lied to him about himself. And that makes me sad. But I can't help delighting in the fact that God is working in him to break down all the lies and deceptions and to plant seeds of truth that will blossom for the rest of his life.
Today, tonight, right now, I have a very real appreciation for what this is costing him. And a new respect for the sacrifice he's making on behalf of us both.
Old things HAVE passed away and all things are being made new.
God is seriously a God who does all things well.. Every detail is covered and every possibility is considered. All of it is carefully, lovingly, patiently orchestrated to ensure that what God does cannot be undone - no matter what may come,as long as we are willing to be obedient.
Obedience is blossoming in my man's spirit. And that's a beautiful thing.
Signs & wonders dear God. Miraculous things. I know where we've come from. And I know where we are now. I have no idea where we're going, but if this is just the beginning I know I don't wanna miss not one more moment of this ride. Protect my man's heart and build up his spirit. Teach him that obedience is better than sacrifice. Allow him to crave You like he craves air. Teach him Your ways oh God. You are a great God and greatly to be praised. I appreciate You. I am grateful that You love us enough to wait for us. Be his like You are mine. Let him live the faith and not just profess it. Thank you Father for all that You're doing. I love You more than anything.
In Jesus' Name, amen.
bye ya'll.
ro
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