The most amazing of things is happening... my heart is softening. Since I spoke to the Lord that I want to want to again, it's been a little different....
My immediate thoughts no longer go to 'why do i have to do all this work'... now, they're beginning to adjust to just being in the moment and enjoying where we are right now.
Things are not ideal; but they are much better than I expected they would be.
I'm seeing this man emerge with me that I've longed to see and I appreciate it. I thank God for it, very seriously. I had lost confidence in things getting better and in my heart being willing anytime soon to finish this journey. But the last couple weeks, especially over this weekend, I have started to sense the shift that I've longed for in him and in our situation.
And let me just be honest - the shift in myself.
We've started to find this groove that I tried to articulate in my last post and quite frankly it just makes me melt inside. Thinking about him makes me smile again - as opposed to just infuriating me. Remembering the time we spend together just well... it makes me happy inside. The subtlety of the changes make it that much sweeter, because I know its stuff that only the two of us would really pick up on with each other.
God told me a few weeks ago very specifically how to pray over him, me, and us. And it's like I'm watching those prayers come to life.
I was sitting doing the first of the last few Love Dare posts, and it dawned on me that the feeling inside me as I thought about those posts in relation to us was one that was 'warm-n-fuzzy' and it just made me excited inside to know that the feelings I've always had for him are not dead or so far gone that there's no hope of them being revived.
We're being revived. Fresh life is sprouting up. And that makes it all worth it.
Thank you God that You know better than me. Thank You for answering prayer. Amen.
I want to want to again....
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