Remember a long time ago, when I told you some change was on the horizon around these parts? Well, I think we're comin' up on that time.
Notice the new Scripture on the sides of the blog. Notice the lessons in trust, the talk of vulnerability, hard conversations. All that goodness.
Oh and let's not forget taking low-gear instead of high.
*sigh*
There is so much learning goin' on around this camp.
And this post is about some more of that.
What I have come to believe about marriage and becoming one is this:
It doesn't just begin from the moment you walk down an aisle, stand in front of a room full of people and proclaim your undying love and devotion. Marriage really and truly seems to me to be a choice of the heart and the spirit. There is a commitment to a future and a life together well before you say I do. You purpose inside that this is the path you are to walk and you want to walk it together. So you begin learning how. You start making that adjustment in your thinking and your decision-making. You start learning to be inter-dependent in small ways, so that when you DO take that walk, you are at least not completely shell-shocked.
And that process has started in my own little world. Actually, it's been under-way for a while now, but in the last few weeks things have kicked into a bit of a higher gear.
I'm finding that more and more in my prayer time or my talks with the Lord, He's instructing me to 'follow Chu's lead.' Which for Little-Miss-Independent is more than a notion.
'Trust him.'
'Honor his request and trust Me to work it all out.'
It's an interesting place to be, to say the least. And one that I'm honestly pretty excited about. The changes in him that I alluded to earlier this week all have to do with truly solidifying our relationship dynamic, with him being in the lead and me being willing to let him.
One of those areas is provision and my work. I know my own desires regarding work, but it never dawned on me that just maybe he had a perspective on my work and the position it takes right now, as opposed to the one he'd LIKE for it to take...
We've talked previously about my own feelings as far as working and all that good stuff and our perspectives were on totally opposite ends of the spectrum. I knew what I believed the Lord has said to me. And I knew Chu wasn't trynna hear it. So I left it alone and decided to just pray about it and let it go until later. Besides... it doesn't even really matter to me til we have kids anyway, so no big.
Well, we start talking about work and finances and all those things a week or two ago and unbeknownst to me, he has been thinking. And he has a plan. Has made an executive decision, to some extent. And as I'm listening, I'm thinkin' 'Lord is it time for this just now?' I'm preparing my rebuttal and thinkin' of the gentle way to shoot that whole plan right on down.
Then I realized that it wasn't a question. Not at all. He only phrased it as an idea to put it out there. Because you see, he doesn't make suggestions. He makes decisions that masquerade as suggestions. And really, even though I was wanting to shoot it all down I don't have a legitimate reason to resist what he's asking.
What is comes down to is this: his mindset is transitioning, just like I've been asking. The things that I would expect to see in order to be comfortable enough to start this whole process are the very things that he's showing to me. And the real question is not whether or not I like what Chu wants, but whether or not I trust him to have made a wise choice. And more than that, do I trust the Lord to do just what He's told me He would - which is to work it all out.
So, as I've been thinking this thing out and praying my way through it all, I've had to recognize one really big thing about myself: I don't have an issue with his position on the matter, his solution, or the reason behind it. I actually agree with his position AND the reason behind it. I just have to make my peace with accepting the solution. I have to recognize that it is born of a heart that loves me and that wants me to be happy and content, no matter what.
And in that recognizing, I've had to decide to be obedient. To honor his request and let the Lord work it all out. To simply trust Chu on this one.
I don't know that I see the how of it just yet. Nor do I know that there is truly a need for this change right now. But I do know that the how will come. And the fact that it is being done simply out of desire, on his part? Well... that's just incredibly sweet to me.
Chu has managed to earn a whole new level of respect on this one and my confidence in him has risen a notch or two.
It is nice to see the fruit that comes from obedience in our relationship. It's a pretty special feeling to watch the Lord answer my prayers. Prayers that I've prayed for years for my husband. Chu may not be perfect, but he's being perfected daily and he continues to start looking more and more like the man I've prayed for.
How can I not honor that?
Notice the new Scripture on the sides of the blog. Notice the lessons in trust, the talk of vulnerability, hard conversations. All that goodness.
Oh and let's not forget taking low-gear instead of high.
*sigh*
There is so much learning goin' on around this camp.
And this post is about some more of that.
What I have come to believe about marriage and becoming one is this:
It doesn't just begin from the moment you walk down an aisle, stand in front of a room full of people and proclaim your undying love and devotion. Marriage really and truly seems to me to be a choice of the heart and the spirit. There is a commitment to a future and a life together well before you say I do. You purpose inside that this is the path you are to walk and you want to walk it together. So you begin learning how. You start making that adjustment in your thinking and your decision-making. You start learning to be inter-dependent in small ways, so that when you DO take that walk, you are at least not completely shell-shocked.
And that process has started in my own little world. Actually, it's been under-way for a while now, but in the last few weeks things have kicked into a bit of a higher gear.
I'm finding that more and more in my prayer time or my talks with the Lord, He's instructing me to 'follow Chu's lead.' Which for Little-Miss-Independent is more than a notion.
'Trust him.'
'Honor his request and trust Me to work it all out.'
It's an interesting place to be, to say the least. And one that I'm honestly pretty excited about. The changes in him that I alluded to earlier this week all have to do with truly solidifying our relationship dynamic, with him being in the lead and me being willing to let him.
One of those areas is provision and my work. I know my own desires regarding work, but it never dawned on me that just maybe he had a perspective on my work and the position it takes right now, as opposed to the one he'd LIKE for it to take...
We've talked previously about my own feelings as far as working and all that good stuff and our perspectives were on totally opposite ends of the spectrum. I knew what I believed the Lord has said to me. And I knew Chu wasn't trynna hear it. So I left it alone and decided to just pray about it and let it go until later. Besides... it doesn't even really matter to me til we have kids anyway, so no big.
Well, we start talking about work and finances and all those things a week or two ago and unbeknownst to me, he has been thinking. And he has a plan. Has made an executive decision, to some extent. And as I'm listening, I'm thinkin' 'Lord is it time for this just now?' I'm preparing my rebuttal and thinkin' of the gentle way to shoot that whole plan right on down.
Then I realized that it wasn't a question. Not at all. He only phrased it as an idea to put it out there. Because you see, he doesn't make suggestions. He makes decisions that masquerade as suggestions. And really, even though I was wanting to shoot it all down I don't have a legitimate reason to resist what he's asking.
What is comes down to is this: his mindset is transitioning, just like I've been asking. The things that I would expect to see in order to be comfortable enough to start this whole process are the very things that he's showing to me. And the real question is not whether or not I like what Chu wants, but whether or not I trust him to have made a wise choice. And more than that, do I trust the Lord to do just what He's told me He would - which is to work it all out.
So, as I've been thinking this thing out and praying my way through it all, I've had to recognize one really big thing about myself: I don't have an issue with his position on the matter, his solution, or the reason behind it. I actually agree with his position AND the reason behind it. I just have to make my peace with accepting the solution. I have to recognize that it is born of a heart that loves me and that wants me to be happy and content, no matter what.
And in that recognizing, I've had to decide to be obedient. To honor his request and let the Lord work it all out. To simply trust Chu on this one.
I don't know that I see the how of it just yet. Nor do I know that there is truly a need for this change right now. But I do know that the how will come. And the fact that it is being done simply out of desire, on his part? Well... that's just incredibly sweet to me.
Chu has managed to earn a whole new level of respect on this one and my confidence in him has risen a notch or two.
It is nice to see the fruit that comes from obedience in our relationship. It's a pretty special feeling to watch the Lord answer my prayers. Prayers that I've prayed for years for my husband. Chu may not be perfect, but he's being perfected daily and he continues to start looking more and more like the man I've prayed for.
How can I not honor that?
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