I Want So Bad to Be SO Pleasing

I want so BADLY to be pleasing to the Lord. I want SO much to do what He wants. And then humanity strikes and I find that *gasp* sometimes I'm just a spoiled little brat who pouts and throws fits and has tantrums because she doesn't understand or it doesn't look like it's gonna ever be right.

I get scared and uneasy and I panic. Because I'm human. And sometimes that stuff just wins out over being all faithful and confident. And sometimes I even threaten to just quit and not do ANY more because I'M SICK OF THIS RIDE.

Yeah.

And then the Lord speaks to me. And instead of speaking to me harshly, He simply gives me direction. Simply walks me through the fit and lets me get it all out. And then, once I'm done and once I surrender, He comforts. And He confirms. And He restores me. And He says something like 'you have pleased Me, not because you got it right, but because your heart stayed firm in me. You did not give up. You did not walk away. You did not quit. You chose me ANYWAY. Your heart is Mine and I am pleased.'

For that, I am thankful. That in my humanity and my failure, God still finds me redeemable, loveable, and pleasing.

I am thankful.