I Know How to Get Through It...

I just don't know how to deal with it...

I have discovered, thru recent events, that I'm great at enduring a situation. I'm great at gritting my teeth and just getting through it.

HOWEVER.

I suck at DEALING with it.

I ignore my feelings. They don't matter. All that matters is that I grit my teeth and get through it.

And once that's done, it's time to move on. Put those feelings away and just move on.

I am screwed up.

So much so, that I have allowed that way of responding to things that impact me deeply to color the way I handle the people in my life.

I seem tough. Not so much.
I seem hard. Not so much.
I seem aloof. Not so much.

What I am is afraid.

Of being judged. Of being criticized. Of not being good enough.

I thought I had gotten past this.

Apparently not.

Or maybey I have, with everybody but the one person that counts the most.

Because I am screwed up.

And if I don't get un-screwed up, everybody around me is gonna be screwe up too.

...
...
...

Since we ALL know that is NOT ok with me, I guess I just need to woman up and get in touch with my emotional self.

I need to learn to embrace that chick that wants to feel things and understand all that good stuff.

I WANT to embrace her. I'm getting to know her, and really I kinda like that gal.

Me and her are gonna be buds.

Oh boy. *rolling my eyes in exasperation. with my hands on my hips*

This whole repressed thing is SO not working for me. Not at all.

*sigh* back to work on my inner-self we go.

bye, ya'll.