What God wants, I dont want to give.
My natural ability is gone. He has told me that for me to continue, He has to renew my heart in many many ways, supernaturally.
I dont know if I want that renewal or not.
This is all old and I'm very over it.
But NOT to ask for that renewal means that I just walk away from everything I've worked for.
And God calls that rebellion. And says further that I would then be destroying my life by my own hands.
I know that's true... but still...
The only verse that comes to mind, besides the beattitudes is : 'a wise woman builds her house but a foolish woman tears it down with her hands.'
I wont even continue this.
If you think of it, please pray that I would not resist the tug to ask God to renew my heart in all the ways that are necessary to continue on this road.
I wish.... a whole lotta things...
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