It's been so long since I've had anything that resembles a 'normal' life (my normal, anyway) that I think I've forgotten what it's like.
I don't remember what it's like to get bills that YOU are responsible for.
I don't remember what it's like to really come and go as I please, with no worries about somebody having something to say.
I haven't had the pleasure of indulging in a bath - not a shower, but a for real actual BATH - in almost a year. And that is a shame.
Cooking? We won't even go there. Tried for a while. Didn't work. Haven't really cooked in months.
And MY GOODNESS - ALONE TIME. It has been SO long since I've had a REAL dose of by myself-ness. And I THRIVE on that. I'm no good without it.
Played my own music: NOPE
Driven my own car: NOPE
And the most important of all this: Relationally, I just cannot tell you the headache of it all. It has been so long since we've had a normal pattern to what we do and when. And even where.
And finally. I think there is some light at the end of this tunnel. The tide is changing. HALLELUJAH!!!!!
I woke up this morning and the first feeling I had was anticipation. The first thought was, 'it will be so nice to have some normalcy in our relationship again'.
This place is one in which I haven't allowed myself to indulge because I knew that if what I was expecting didn't come to pass, I'd be devastated. And I wasn't really feeling all the emotional drama that comes with devastation.
But now, that hope is manifesting and I'm feeling ok with planning and preparing. And all I can think of is: Wow. Not too far from now, I will be able to laze around my own place on a Saturday again and watch tv with Clay all day if we want. Or get up on Sunday and go to church then come home and cook dinner for us. Or hell, even just enjoy him coming over after you know SUNSET and not feeling like 'OMG. They gon' think I'm trickin' because of the time.
People, I cannot WAIT! I have so seriously missed that intimacy with Clay. And althought neither of us has outright said it, it has taken a serious toll on our relationship me living at home. Neither of us knew if we'd make it under those conditions and both of us knew that if we DID make it, we'd be headed toward a future together.
We made it. And now we can look at what building a life together looks like. (Which is good, because otherwise I'd remain single and have lots of dogs - because I don't do cats. And I am NOT interested in investing all that time in learning somebody new all over again. I know Clay and I'll live with him happily forever - especially if it avoids having to go thru all that new relationship bs all over again.)
That thought this morning is a milestone. Because in a few weeks (maybe less) it will come to fruition and I cannot WAIT to be all excited and ON MY OWN again.
Say a prayer for a sista, ok? That I can readjust easily to my re-entry into the Land of the Grown People. And that the things that need to fall into place financially on my part and some others, do, so that there is no delaying my run for the border,k?
THANKS.
Blessings guys.
Ro
PS- Darius, I don't do puppy kisses on the mouth. They can lick the face or the hand. But not the mouth. I don't like human slobber, much less slobber of the animal variety. =0)
I don't remember what it's like to get bills that YOU are responsible for.
I don't remember what it's like to really come and go as I please, with no worries about somebody having something to say.
I haven't had the pleasure of indulging in a bath - not a shower, but a for real actual BATH - in almost a year. And that is a shame.
Cooking? We won't even go there. Tried for a while. Didn't work. Haven't really cooked in months.
And MY GOODNESS - ALONE TIME. It has been SO long since I've had a REAL dose of by myself-ness. And I THRIVE on that. I'm no good without it.
Played my own music: NOPE
Driven my own car: NOPE
And the most important of all this: Relationally, I just cannot tell you the headache of it all. It has been so long since we've had a normal pattern to what we do and when. And even where.
And finally. I think there is some light at the end of this tunnel. The tide is changing. HALLELUJAH!!!!!
I woke up this morning and the first feeling I had was anticipation. The first thought was, 'it will be so nice to have some normalcy in our relationship again'.
This place is one in which I haven't allowed myself to indulge because I knew that if what I was expecting didn't come to pass, I'd be devastated. And I wasn't really feeling all the emotional drama that comes with devastation.
But now, that hope is manifesting and I'm feeling ok with planning and preparing. And all I can think of is: Wow. Not too far from now, I will be able to laze around my own place on a Saturday again and watch tv with Clay all day if we want. Or get up on Sunday and go to church then come home and cook dinner for us. Or hell, even just enjoy him coming over after you know SUNSET and not feeling like 'OMG. They gon' think I'm trickin' because of the time.
People, I cannot WAIT! I have so seriously missed that intimacy with Clay. And althought neither of us has outright said it, it has taken a serious toll on our relationship me living at home. Neither of us knew if we'd make it under those conditions and both of us knew that if we DID make it, we'd be headed toward a future together.
We made it. And now we can look at what building a life together looks like. (Which is good, because otherwise I'd remain single and have lots of dogs - because I don't do cats. And I am NOT interested in investing all that time in learning somebody new all over again. I know Clay and I'll live with him happily forever - especially if it avoids having to go thru all that new relationship bs all over again.)
That thought this morning is a milestone. Because in a few weeks (maybe less) it will come to fruition and I cannot WAIT to be all excited and ON MY OWN again.
Say a prayer for a sista, ok? That I can readjust easily to my re-entry into the Land of the Grown People. And that the things that need to fall into place financially on my part and some others, do, so that there is no delaying my run for the border,k?
THANKS.
Blessings guys.
Ro
PS- Darius, I don't do puppy kisses on the mouth. They can lick the face or the hand. But not the mouth. I don't like human slobber, much less slobber of the animal variety. =0)
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